It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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