I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
