he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
