I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
