Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
