RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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