Your face is a jimmy john
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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