why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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