i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
