i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The best revenge is premature balding
Farmville is her only friend.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
