found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
