if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
