You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
