my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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