Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
