My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
