He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
