i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
