maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
