And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's shark week go big or go home
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
