Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
