so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Randomize