just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
