I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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