You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I need a beard to bite.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize