I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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