Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
