i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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