Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize