I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
