Are we in a gay sports bar?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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