State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
