You work out of a Hotel?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
