He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
