Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
