road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
