You don't have asthma, your pregnant
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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