yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
