Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
