i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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