She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize