i jhust puked up my retainher.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
