My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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