Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
