I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
