So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
