Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We talked him into tasing himself.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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