woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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