I cannot find my penis.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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