Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
another moral hangover. fuck.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
