dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
