you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
