There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
