i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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