what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
