The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
