quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
