And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
