Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
